7 Tips To Roleplay Creatively With Your Partner
While sensual passion has its charms, sex doesn’t always have to be serious — in fact, it’s supposed to be fun! And what’s more fun than a little roleplay? Ideally, sex is a safe place to explore inner worlds and desires we don’t always feel safe to express. Dressing up in a costume or trying on a different persona for size is the perfect way to tap into a dirty head space. Roleplay is a fantastic and fun way to get out of our heads and release the dirtier parts of our minds.
If you have a theatrical streak, even one you’ve never indulged, now’s the time to tap into it. Take time to explore your sexual needs and desires, so you know what you like. Here are 7 steps to bring a little creativity into your roleplay.
1. Envision a scenario.
What’s your dirtiest fantasy? The one image that always gets you off? Your high school English teacher punishing you in front of the whole class? A football team gangbang in the locker room? An invasive medical inspection from a hot doctor? We think of fantasy as being about who we want to have sex with, but it’s just as much about who we want to be when we’re having sex.You don’t have to be yourself, you can be anyone in your fantasy. Here’s some fresh ideas to get you started…
- The classics: Teacher + student, Boss + secretary, Doctor + patient
- Get creative: Photographer + model, Director + actress, Sex worker + client
- A lil’ taboo: King + concubine, Babysitter + parent, Priest + parishioner
Be sure to ask your partner directly about their fantasies, and share yours as honestly as possible. The more honest you are, the more comfortable they will feel meeting you there. If there’s something taboo or kinky you’re nervous to share, bring it up during a non-sexy time to see if your partner is into it.
2. Pick a name.
As you share your fantasies with your partner, bounce ideas around to start building the scene together. Think of it just like learning how your partner likes to be touched, but you’re trying to figure out what words, ideas, and scenarios turn them on. For example, what do you want to be called, and what do you want to call your partner? Using a different name will help get into character and out of your head. To get you started…
- For tops: Daddy, Master, Sir, Professor, Mistress, Queen, Mister, Doctor
- For bottoms: Baby, Slut, Bitch, Little/Good Girl/Boy, Nurse, Missy
- For the adventurous: Captain, King, Your Highness, Uncle, My Liege, Father, Madam
Advanced tip: Touch them while you’re talking this all out, so you can feel what gets a reaction. Turn the sharing into a roleplay. It can be a bedtime story or a hard-earned lesson.
3. Choose your costumes and/or props.
While you don’t need a costume to have a super hot role play, it never hurts to spark a little inspiration. Shopping together can be fun, but a surprise not only adds to the excitement, but can also keep a nervous partner from overthinking. Plus, it’s always hot when any partner plans something sexy for you. Here’s some ideas to add to your shopping list…
- Classics: Suit and tie, schoolgirl skirt, nurse outfit, scrubs, pigtails
- Toys: Cane, flogger, forceps, stethoscope,
- Props: Exam table, school desk, blackboard, dungeon
4. Remember the rule of ‘Yes, and.’
Every comedian knows the golden rule of improv: Yes, and… Funnily enough, this rule applies perfectly to roleplay as well. This means to never negate something your partner offers to the scene; always agree to what they’ve said and add a new piece of information.
Teacher: “Your grades have been slipping,”
Student: “I know, professor. I’ve been so distracted lately in your lectures.”
Teacher: “I’ve noticed, you’re always squirming in your seat.”
Student: “I’m so embarrassed you noticed, but sometimes I get turned on in class…”
Teacher: “What a naughty girl/boy. Show me.”
Boss: “Miss Smith, I’m going to need you to stay late tonight.”
Secretary: “Again? We’ve been working so many late nights this week.”
Boss: “Are you complaining? I thought you wanted this job.”
Secretary: “I do! This is my dream job. I’ll do anything to impress you.”
Boss: “Then get down on your knees and prove it.”
Nun: “Sister, I saw you drinking the sacramental wine the other day. I must report you to Mother Superior.”
Novice: “Oh sister, please don’t. You’re my only friend at the convent. I promise I’ll never do it again.”
Nun: “You stick out like a sore thumb around here, you draw a lot of attention to yourself.”
Novice: “I like drawing your attention. I’ve noticed your eyes on me in the showers.”
Nun: “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. You never obey orders.”
Novice: “Can you teach me how to be more obedient?”
Nun: “I usually use my ruler for that.”
5. Transition into play.
Take your time getting to the sex part. Presumably you’ve had sex with no roleplay before. The point of inhabiting a character is to tap into that first time excitement, so build up to it. Leave any costumes on for as long as possible, and be slow and deliberate about when and how you take off any clothing. Make it a plot point in the scene. “Aren’t you getting hot in that blazer, professor?” Once you’re actually playing, keep up the scene. “Sir, I didn’t think my boss was allowed to touch me there!” Or, “I can’t believe I’m fucking the babysitter right now.”
Advanced tip: Practice voicing the circumstances of the scene out loud, so as to curate the scene exactly how you want it to play out.
6. After Care. Give yourselves time to get out of character afterwards. Check in and see how everything went. Talk about what worked and what you’d like to try next time. Was a certain phrase hot or distracting, did you want more or less dialogue and backstory? Did anything feel too taboo, or not taboo enough? What was funny? What surprised you? Is there another scenario you’d like to try next time?
Continued exploration: Read erotica out loud to each other or watch porn together for inspiration, feel free to bring in kink and BDSM, and don’t be shy about your dirty talk. Remember, your mind is your biggest sex organ.
Meet the author...
Johnny Fingaz is a queer filmmaker, writer, and actor based in Brooklyn. As a sex enthusiast, they apprenticed under the late legendary sex educator Betty Dodson. Under their other name, Johnny writes professionally about representations of queerness and sexuality in media with an emphasis on trans people and sex workers. They’re Daddy.