Whipping Yourself Into Shape: Building a Domme Persona

For those curious and wanting to know information on how to become a Dominatrix, it can be both intimidating and overwhelming. There are so many things to be researched, from safety practices, to terminology, and even dungeon etiquette! But the most creative thing to learn that is often glossed over is forming your ‘Domme Persona’. What is this? How do I even know where to start?

I have all the answers for you whipped up in this personal guide.

When I first started my career as a Dominatrix, I was simply starting off with minimal research and hope. I didn’t have a mentor, books to read, or courses to take. I took my perception of what it meant to be dominant and did my best to mold myself into that imagination. Through doing this, I went through a lot of trial and error that could have been avoided. Now, as a kink educator with a focus in teaching Domme education, I pass on the knowledge I’ve accumulated in ways that make sense to a potential Dominatrix. If you follow these steps, you’ll be able to shape your Domme experience both safely and creatively. 

1. Focus on your overall personality and how you want to transition it into a Domme Persona. Usually we are told that our Domme personas have to be an alter ego of who we already are. This can be both true and false. There’s a common stereotype that all Dominatrices are cruel, sadistic, angry beings. Usually this perception comes from how we’ve been depicted on television and in movies. In real life, Domme personalities can range from nurturing and encouraging, to bratty and spoiled. Personally, I consider myself a ‘Sadistic Sensualist’, meaning I will lure you in with my sensuality and femininity, but then I’ll release all of my rage. Take notes of your everyday personality and try to transition it into the world of BDSM. 

2. Put together a ‘Domme Kit’. A Domme kit consists of the tools that a Dominatrix needs for a successful session, based on what has been discussed and consented to with the submissive party. A lot of novice Dommes think they have to break the bank to have a great kit, but this isn’t the case at all. Start off with affordable items to get yourself adjusted to how the tools feel in your hand. Most basic kits can be purchased on Amazon and come with tools such as floggers, hand cuffs, blindfolds, and ball gags, (such as this one): 

3. Practice with your new tools. This is important to get you comfortable with your new tools in your kit. You never want to buy anything that’s above your skill or comfort level. Try asking a partner or friend who consents to being used for practice. Learn how to properly care for your equipment. And remember: you’re in control. There’s a whole world of Kink and BDSM to explore, so there’s still so much to cover! Finding your Domme persona and curating a kit is the perfect place to start.

Meet the author...

Meet the author...

Mistress Marley is a Pro Dominatrix who specializes in financial domination – the psychological kink of controlling someone’s wallet. Located in NYC, she organizes events and classes that help to teach aspiring dommes the art of BDSM along with teaching safety and consent. She is also an online kink educator and sex worker activist. To further her community organizing, she is the founder of Black Domme Sorority – a collective of Black & Afro Latina Dommes practicing dominance and BDSM.